so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
- it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
- you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
- AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
- my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
- my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
- my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
- me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
- WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
"don’t expose my kid to that crap."
- MY KID
- TO THAT CRAP
"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."
- I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
- IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
- are you fucking kidding
- i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
- my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
- my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
- my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
- are you fucking kidding
- this is the best thing i’ve ever done
Rest in Peace
Robin Williams (July 21, 1951 - August 11, 2014)
DeanCas moments season 9. Posting for all the people who are maybe not so invested anymore… Personally, it was delicious seeing all these scenes together because watching the season one ep at time I felt there weren’t as many as in Season 8. Not to mention all is not there, some small bits like Dean and Cas talking over the phone & Gabriel calling Cas Dean’s “Boytoy” are not on the video. So screw what other people are saying, what the show staff/actors are saying publicly… ‘cause you’d have to be blind not to understand where exactly this whole Destiel thing comes from
the show duh. There’re thousands of general viewer stories out there, but let me just add that both my sister and boyfriend (who only watch a few eps here and there nowadays) yelled WITH DEAN when Metatron delivered his famous “He’s in love….” line (before I even could open my mouth over the shock I though they’d actually go there lol).
THE FUCKING ANNOTATIONS JFC
Looks like Dean is the reigning champion
… for the 6th year in a row…
did NOT see that one coming!
JFC your annotations are A+
I coughed up my drink, oh god
Suddenly… hope… renewed… thank you poster.
Whenever someone passes away, I don’t know why, but I always think of the Bo Peep line in ‘Toy Story’.
“ Oh, Woody. If only you could see how much Andy misses you. “
If only we all got those ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ moments.
"To live would be an awfully big adventure"Hook (1991)
I am honestly in shock. He was one of those actors who shaped my view on cinema and comedy. From Jack to Jumanji, Aladdin to Ferngully, Mrs. Doubtfire to Dead Poets Society. Robin Williams was always present during my childhood and it shocks me to no end how he is gone so quickly and so soon. He was truly one of the most talented and funny actors of his time. Rest in peace, sir. Thank you for giving everyone a friend like you.
Robin Williams. You were childhood in a nutshell.
gentle reminder that it is okay to be as sad as you feel necessary when a celebrity passes, and it is okay to feel completely indifferent about it and giving others a hard time whatever their reaction is just a dick thing to do.
Rest in Peace, Robin Williams.
AY GUYS remember that moment in season 8 when Cas wanted to apologise to Dean but Dean just screwed him
So Cas in order to win Dean over went to shop to buy his fav stuff like
and most important:
I can’t be 10000% sure but I think that Cas was going tO DO A COMBO ON DEAN LIKE
and Dean just